Monday, September 27, 2010

Want What You Have

My wonderful maternity leave is coming to an end. I've been dreading this moment since long before Alora was born. Initially, when Jake and I first talked about starting a family, I was all on board for going back to work. My parents both worked, millions of other parents worked. Everything would be just fine... And then I got pregnant.

I was completely thrown of guard by the new emotions (I'm not even sure if that's the right word) I was feeling.  How could I leave my precious baby in the care of some stranger?! Who would be there for her during the day? Will I miss every smile? Will I miss her first words? Will she know I still love her...? And now that she's here, I wonder if her teacher will know that there really is one more burp to get out or that she likes to snuggle, or that you need to do "a" when she does "b."

But in the past few days, I've been forcing myself to be ok with this. Partially because I have to and also because it really will be ok. It will. I need to remind myself of my original thoughts. I went to day care and loved it. So do millions of other children. She will be given care by trained teachers who will know how to teach her things that I would never think of. And she will be surrounded by caregivers who undoubtedly love kids. She will be in a good place.  And she will be just fine.

With all that said, I know that this is still going to be a very difficult transition for me. And I know I could easily head back into work on Thursday with the worst attitude in the world. My workplace is a little crazy at times so it is very easy for me to pick up on and dwell on the down side of things. But I can't do that and try to be ok with taking Ali to day care. So I'm deciding to "want what I have" which is fitting for today because today is Monday and I haven't done a Happy Monday in ages. I started Happy Mondays because I was catching myself dwelling on the negatives far too often. So every Monday, I would try to remember to make a list of at least 5 things that make me happy.

When I step back and take a look at our life, we have it pretty good. While there are still some "wants" that we are working towards, I am still happy with my present life. Eckahart Tolle sums it up perfectly in The Power of Now, "When you are on a journey, it is certainly helpful to know where you are going or at least the general direction in which you are moving, but don't forget: The only thing that is ultimately real about your life is the step you are taking at this moment. That's all there ever is." So wherever I am in my day, I will do my best to be there fully and give it my all and I will remember to be grateful for all of the wonderful things I already do have in my life. I will want what I have.

 1. I have a daughter who is more beautiful than I had ever thought possible and my love for her is even more perfect. I was able to spend three whole months with the sole purpose of loving her.
2. I have a loving and hard working husband who has gracefully taken on his new roll as a father.
3. I live in a charming and safe neighborhood within a large and exciting city.
4. I have an employer that is welcoming me back after three months away.
5. I have a warm and comfortable home to return to each night with my happy little family.

 Happy Monday!

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